Hermetic solipsism

Nope, I didn't write that title. I stole it from a book review, one that prompted some head-scratching about just what the reviewer was trying to say among, oh, approximately 100 percent of its readers.

Apparently, he was attempting to describe the view of the United States on arctic sovereignty, as expressed by ambassador David Wilkins:

"There's no reason to create a problem that doesn't exist," Wilkins said as he took part in a forum at the University of Western Ontario in London.

"We don't recognize Canada's claims to those waters... Most other countries do not recognize their claim."

Hmmm ... well, yes ... you may not see that as a problem, but, uh, we on the other side of the border do, kind of. So perhaps it's more a case of forcing you to recognize that the problem exists?

You know, it's like when I go to build a backyard fence and my neighbour informs me that he thinks the property line runs somewhere through my kitchen. And then says he doesn't see why that's a problem, as he'll let me borrow my dishwasher anytime.

The Maximum Leader responds, with canine emphasis:

"The United States defends its sovereignty and the Canadian government will defend our sovereignty," Harper told reporters in Ottawa. "It is the Canadian people we get our mandate from, not the ambassador of the United States."

Oddly, that sounds a lot like something Paul Martin might have said. Harper's continual anti-American rhetoric is damaging our relationship with our southern neighbour, goddamnit, and I demand he cease forthwith!

Oh, but look, there's other news:

Also on Thursday, Harper acknowledged he had "a very friendly conversation" with U.S. President George W. Bush a day earlier, and hoped to arrange a meeting as soon as the leaders' schedules permit.

Interesting.

We at Skippy's School of Subversive Psy-Ops have obtained a top-secret transcript of that conversation. Check this out:

SH: Hey, I do have one little problem. You know, there's this public perception that I'll fall over myself to fellate the President of the United States at every opportunity.

GWB: Aw, shit, I sure hope not. I mean, I've started a costly and probably illegal war that has hopelessly bogged down our military in an intractable mess, played fast and loose with the definition of torture, and spied on Americans ... but you know, fellatio can get you impeached!

SH: [chuckle]

GWB: [chucklechucklechuckle]

SH: Actually, I was thinking you could easily help me out.

GWB: Sure, pard.

SH: Do you think you could get your ambassador to do something mildly obnoxious, so I can suggest that I won't march in lockstep with you?

At this point, Agent Grewal ran out of tape, so we are unsure of Bush's reply. But we think events speak for themselves.